I’ve always wanted to be a professional writer…but, for years, I’ve been afraid to share my writing because there was always a better writer.
Someone was always more polished & more poised…
They had more rigorous creative education, more accolades, & more followers.
I read great work of other writers and thought to myself:
“My words are not fancy or sophisticated enough.
My style is not artistic or academic enough.
My messages are too practical and down to earth”
Thoughts like these kept me from writing and sharing my work for years.
I thought:
“What’s the point of writing, when someone else can write it better?”
This year, I started writing any way… and I discovered something amazing:
I’m NOT the best writer…but people enjoy reading my work anyway!
They don’t really care about my prose or my education. They just want to be seen & heard. I can do that!
The truth is… you may not be the best writer, singer, poet, sculptor, mathematician, sales person, or data analyst, BUT you are GOOD, and you bring something special and unique to the table, even if you don’t know what that is yet.
You can ONLY find out your special, unique, magic, by DOING your thing, NOT by watching & comparing to someone else.
What is Habitual Comparison?
Habitual Comparison is not just comparing your presentation to your coworker’s presentation, or comparing your new outfit to your friend’s new style.
Habitual comparison is the constant evaluation of ourselves based on what others are doing and achieving.
Habitual-Comparison makes us feel smaller and less skilled than we are. We look at someone else and think, “They are so good; I’ll never be that good. What’s the point of trying?”
Habitual-Comparers don’t just compare in one category: they compare their beauty to a beauty influencer, their financial status to the most successful person they know, their first home to someone‘s forever home, their brand new blog to someone who’s been blogging 3X a week for the last decade.
Sound familiar?
I felt this way for years.
Every time I opened my laptop to write, I didn’t have to look far to find someone else was doing the thing I wanted to do, and doing it “better.”
This year I changed that.
Why we compare
To let go of comparison, we must realize WHY we compare. Through my coaching & consulting work, I’ve found we compare for two reasons:
1. We compare to keep ourselves safefrom judgement & failure
Comparison helps us to “stay in our lane.”
If we never put ourselves out there, we never risk failing, facing judgement, or getting our feelings hurt.
Comparison keeps us from pursuing our hearts desire, but it also keeps us from exposing ourselves to judgement from ourself or others.
If we never try, we never have to face the painful reality that maybe our darkest thoughts (My writing is not good, I’ll never be successful, people will never laugh at my jokes)could be true.
2. We compare to fein motivation/inspiration
Comparing is PAINFUL, but Habitual-Comparers are convinced that comparing is valuable - they defend the comparison habit by saying:
“Comparing to others helps me: learn, see how other people are doing it, or get inspired”
At face value, this seems like a rational reason to compare, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work because we get stuck watching.
We consume pictures/videos/articles/podcasts of people doing the thing we most want to do without taking action.
Watching & comparing may inspire one or two steps toward your goal, but after a while, it almost always results in feeling down, deflated, and farther away than before.
How To Finally Stop Comparing
Comparing is the result of being deeply connected to what OTHER people are doing, and deeply disconnect from what YOU are doing (or are capable of doing).
3 Ways To Stop Comparing TODAY
1. Limit Stimulation
Habitual comparers are deeply overstimulated.
We fein motivation by viewing/listening to/reading up on what other people are doing.
The constant stimulation and obsession with WHAT other people are doing and HOW they are doing it squanders our ability to take decisive action.
To stop comparing, stop watching & start doing,
Trust that you have all the skills and training you need right now, and take the first step.
Stop watching videos, listening to podcasts, and reading articles about how to do the thing and just do it.
2. Change Your Internal Dialogue
Habitual comparers ruminate on what others are doing and have deeply misinformed internal dialogue.
Habitual comparers watch others and convince themselves they can never have the same level of success.
To get out of the cycle of spiraling, we have to change our self-talk. Rewriting our thoughts can look like this:
“I can’t take action, because other people are farther along than me” → Everyone has to start somewhere; I commit to starting today and seeing where it takes me.
“I’m not as naturally talented as other people in this arena”→ I am talented. The possibilities for me are limitless.
“Other people are already doing the thing I most want to do, I wouldn’t add much value because it’s already been done” → I am 1 of 1. My uniqueness, my story, my perspective, and my skills add unique value that NO ONE else has.
3. Take one tiny action each day
Habitual comparers focus on the end-result rather than the tiny daily actions.
When I downloaded substack it took me months to actually post something.
Writing a WHOLE article seemed scary to me; but, writing short blurbs on notes seemed less daunting, so I started posting a few notes each day.
After a few weeks, I found my voice and I started gaining 50 new subscribers a week.
Tiny actions, repeated daily built massive confidence and massive results. What’s the ONE tiny action you can take each day?
For example, if you want to save $1,000,000 dollars, can you save $1 dollar today?
Don’t let the ego convince you that these tiny actions are foolish and unsubstantial. Tiny actions ADD up. Showing up daily IS doing the thing.
You’ve got this.
Jessie Pagliari Tiernan is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Questions for reflection:
What do you wish you could do now, or wish you started along time ago, but feel like starting now is silly or pointless?
Whats the next most obvious step you can take TODAY to move the needle on that goal?
How can you limit outside stimulation when you create or do your thing?
What words or affirmations do you need to hear to take consistent action?
Thank you so much for this! For the longest time I shied away from writing because I never felt like I was good enough—especially compared to other people, what they wrote, and the way they write. Sometimes I still have these moments of self doubt, but I’m so glad I started Substack and stopped robbing myself of the biggest joy I have in life, which is writing ✍🏽
Ofcourse thank you for commenting 🥰🤗
Thank you so much for this! For the longest time I shied away from writing because I never felt like I was good enough—especially compared to other people, what they wrote, and the way they write. Sometimes I still have these moments of self doubt, but I’m so glad I started Substack and stopped robbing myself of the biggest joy I have in life, which is writing ✍🏽